I'm gonna dance dance dance
Without pants pants pants!
I'm gonna dance dance dance
Without pants pants pants!
I'm gonna do the twist
And shake my butt!
I'm gonna dance dance dance
Without pants pants pants!
This wouldn't let me go to sleep last night.
"Dance like there's nobody watching." -William Purkey
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Flatter Fawn
When I was at work the other day, a little girl said to me "Oh, you are so beautiful!" While it made me question her eyesight, the comment made my day.
While doing homework, I glanced at my fish tank. Something caught my eye, and I noticed that my black snail was slowly getting on top of my gold snail. I sat in fascination as the black snail climbed to the top of the gold snail's shell, pushed the gold snail off the glass, rode the gold snail all the way to the gravel at the bottom, and then move away as fast as a snail can move. Snails are incredibly ninja.
I would love to bring a squirrel to class, just to see how the professor would react. How awesome would that be? You sit down, take out your books, hand a peanut to the squirrel on your desk. Everybody's staring at you. The professor walks in, sets up the computer, begins to lecture, and suddenly, "Miss Water? Is that a squirrel?!" And you will say "I'm pretty sure, yeah. He followed me here." That is the moment I'm waiting for.
And I'm getting closer to it. The other day I charged a squirrel and it didn't run away.
I'm no longer on medication, and I seem to be doing fine right now.
I went to get a soda in the vending machine downstairs only to find someone crammed $4.20 in it and jammed the basket with seven cans of Seven Up. I told my RA about it, and once she unstuck them, she gave me some. It was pretty awesome.
This weekend, Chief, my mother, and I were driving around a very large city. The directions said to take a certain highway. The sign on the overpass said, "Certain Highway, Left Lane". I got in the left lane, drove a little bit, and saw that the turnoff for the highway was on the right lane...
There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept. -Ansel Adams
While doing homework, I glanced at my fish tank. Something caught my eye, and I noticed that my black snail was slowly getting on top of my gold snail. I sat in fascination as the black snail climbed to the top of the gold snail's shell, pushed the gold snail off the glass, rode the gold snail all the way to the gravel at the bottom, and then move away as fast as a snail can move. Snails are incredibly ninja.
I would love to bring a squirrel to class, just to see how the professor would react. How awesome would that be? You sit down, take out your books, hand a peanut to the squirrel on your desk. Everybody's staring at you. The professor walks in, sets up the computer, begins to lecture, and suddenly, "Miss Water? Is that a squirrel?!" And you will say "I'm pretty sure, yeah. He followed me here." That is the moment I'm waiting for.
And I'm getting closer to it. The other day I charged a squirrel and it didn't run away.
I'm no longer on medication, and I seem to be doing fine right now.
I went to get a soda in the vending machine downstairs only to find someone crammed $4.20 in it and jammed the basket with seven cans of Seven Up. I told my RA about it, and once she unstuck them, she gave me some. It was pretty awesome.
This weekend, Chief, my mother, and I were driving around a very large city. The directions said to take a certain highway. The sign on the overpass said, "Certain Highway, Left Lane". I got in the left lane, drove a little bit, and saw that the turnoff for the highway was on the right lane...
There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept. -Ansel Adams
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Banjo Brain
A few weeks ago, I had ordered a package. When the online tracking thingy said I got it, I checked my mail, and found it wasn't there. The next day, I checked again. Knowing from lots of experience that there is another Little Water on campus (same first and last name as me), I went to the campus post office and told them what was going on. They realized that they did in fact put it in the wrong mail box. I gave them my information, they said they were gonna call her, and things would be taken care of. Later that day, I had a voice mail from them, and my package. Being lazy, I never checked the voice mail.
Well, two weeks after they left me this voice mail, I decided I was finally going to listen to it. I found out that they called me to tell me that I was incorrectly given a package that belonged to the other Little Water, and that I needed to return it.
They called the wrong Little Water. Because I gave them my information for nothing. Me thinks I shall change my name.
And crank the heat up in my room. It's freezing in here.
For my education class, I was told by my professor that I would be helping out a nearby middle school with standard tests. She said it would be a one time, two hour thing. I got to the school, and found out that really she had volunteered me to be at the school twice a week for two and a half hours each time for the rest of the semester. The principal was confused when I said I had no idea what he was talking about.
Yesterday, she emailed my class telling us that if we had any questions about the assignments we'll soon be given, we can talk to those who were already assigned to the middle school. She told my class that I was assigned to the middle school before she told me.
But I work with an amazing six grade class. I really work with three separate math classes, but the kids so far are great. The class is really small, so it's a bit awkward being this wanderer through the mere five rows of students. But I've already helped a kid figure out something he couldn't get. It was awesome.
About five years ago, I was terrified of going to bed because my pillow would tick loudly like a bomb, and I was scared of it. I started sleeping more in the day and less at night. It's strange how when these things happened, I didn't think there was anything wrong with my mind, but now I question every thing. Today, I was walking to my dorm, and my head started ticking, like I had a clock inside.
"Look deeper into nature, and then you will understand everything better." -Albert Einstein
Well, two weeks after they left me this voice mail, I decided I was finally going to listen to it. I found out that they called me to tell me that I was incorrectly given a package that belonged to the other Little Water, and that I needed to return it.
They called the wrong Little Water. Because I gave them my information for nothing. Me thinks I shall change my name.
And crank the heat up in my room. It's freezing in here.
For my education class, I was told by my professor that I would be helping out a nearby middle school with standard tests. She said it would be a one time, two hour thing. I got to the school, and found out that really she had volunteered me to be at the school twice a week for two and a half hours each time for the rest of the semester. The principal was confused when I said I had no idea what he was talking about.
Yesterday, she emailed my class telling us that if we had any questions about the assignments we'll soon be given, we can talk to those who were already assigned to the middle school. She told my class that I was assigned to the middle school before she told me.
But I work with an amazing six grade class. I really work with three separate math classes, but the kids so far are great. The class is really small, so it's a bit awkward being this wanderer through the mere five rows of students. But I've already helped a kid figure out something he couldn't get. It was awesome.
About five years ago, I was terrified of going to bed because my pillow would tick loudly like a bomb, and I was scared of it. I started sleeping more in the day and less at night. It's strange how when these things happened, I didn't think there was anything wrong with my mind, but now I question every thing. Today, I was walking to my dorm, and my head started ticking, like I had a clock inside.
"Look deeper into nature, and then you will understand everything better." -Albert Einstein
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Schizoflipper
In all seriousness, I really do have problems. I shall call them part of the cloudiness, the mass of mental sickness that is taking place in my mind. When the cloudiness first showed up, I refused to mention it to anyone. I would maybe let on that I was possibly depressed, but let people know that I suddenly realized that the guy next to me was reading my mind? Or that my roommate had a camera in our room so she could spy on me? Or that I would hallucinate while talking to my friends so that I would hear them say awful things about me to my face?
Let me tell you how lovely these are. I came to realize that none of them were true at all (except that camera, only one I can't prove to be wrong; and I say this in a completely comical, not-serious manner), but it still made them difficult to deal with, especially when they began to affect the conversations I would have with my friends.
Which, seriously, guys? All that shit happened and you still were surprised to find out that Little Water here is a crazy head?
Many of the things I say sound ridiculous, like how my dad is a pothead, or how my sister gets the blood beat out of her whenever she's with her baby daddy, but they are true! What sick freak would make shit up like that?! And who would make up hallucinating fairies going through their stuff? Or that someone took a dump on the bridge?
I'm not smart; by all means, I may even be an idiot, but if I lie, it is either obviously intentional to make someone else in the wrong, or it is a lie without my knowledge.
Yet people always act like I'm lying. I can read the body language, I notice the slight head tosses and rollings of the eyes. I can see your eyebrow twitch, and hear your voice widen. I'm one of the best physical language readers I've ever met (which is ironic because I can't even figure out what I'm screaming at myself in my own head).
It's because of this that I don't talk about the cloudiness anymore. I'm having problems, but when I mention them, I get dismissed. I know... I know better than this, but I *know* that I changed the speed of time. Like, it's in my head, it's what I think, but while I know it can't be true, it's a truth in my head. And it scares me. I don't know how stable it is anymore, but I do know that because of my own stupidity I'm gonna be old and dead any moment now. Minutes are now mere seconds, and my ability to complete tasks in a timely manner is shot. My mind is moving at the same old, normal speed, but my body, the world, the time, it's going on faster than ever. And yet no one has noticed.
It's embarrassing to talk about this, but it's absolutely insulting and aggravating to confide in someone and then to be dismissed like I'm craving attention. I don't even want to talk to my counselor about it.
But it is time for me to go.
"If it weren't for the rocks in its bed, the stream would have no song." -Carl Perkins
Let me tell you how lovely these are. I came to realize that none of them were true at all (except that camera, only one I can't prove to be wrong; and I say this in a completely comical, not-serious manner), but it still made them difficult to deal with, especially when they began to affect the conversations I would have with my friends.
Which, seriously, guys? All that shit happened and you still were surprised to find out that Little Water here is a crazy head?
Many of the things I say sound ridiculous, like how my dad is a pothead, or how my sister gets the blood beat out of her whenever she's with her baby daddy, but they are true! What sick freak would make shit up like that?! And who would make up hallucinating fairies going through their stuff? Or that someone took a dump on the bridge?
I'm not smart; by all means, I may even be an idiot, but if I lie, it is either obviously intentional to make someone else in the wrong, or it is a lie without my knowledge.
Yet people always act like I'm lying. I can read the body language, I notice the slight head tosses and rollings of the eyes. I can see your eyebrow twitch, and hear your voice widen. I'm one of the best physical language readers I've ever met (which is ironic because I can't even figure out what I'm screaming at myself in my own head).
It's because of this that I don't talk about the cloudiness anymore. I'm having problems, but when I mention them, I get dismissed. I know... I know better than this, but I *know* that I changed the speed of time. Like, it's in my head, it's what I think, but while I know it can't be true, it's a truth in my head. And it scares me. I don't know how stable it is anymore, but I do know that because of my own stupidity I'm gonna be old and dead any moment now. Minutes are now mere seconds, and my ability to complete tasks in a timely manner is shot. My mind is moving at the same old, normal speed, but my body, the world, the time, it's going on faster than ever. And yet no one has noticed.
It's embarrassing to talk about this, but it's absolutely insulting and aggravating to confide in someone and then to be dismissed like I'm craving attention. I don't even want to talk to my counselor about it.
But it is time for me to go.
"If it weren't for the rocks in its bed, the stream would have no song." -Carl Perkins
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Pathetic Lad
Someone took a dump on the bridge that I have to cross to get to some of my classes. I want to ask, how drunk do you have to be?! But then I remember that someone took a dump on a couch at my high school right after a wrestling meet...
A hypnotist came to my school, and a friend of mine bought one of his CD's. He ripped it and gave me the hard copy. I decided to listen to it. I do not remember anything from between when the guy was putting me under and when the guy was counting down from five to wake me up. I couldn't move my arm for the rest of the day without pain shooting from my elbow to my hand and back.
To the slow ones out there, the arm pain wasn't from the hypnotist messing with me. It was because of the way I was lying on my desk. This should seem obvious, but I've already encountered two situations where I had to explain this.
I've learned that when I'm raging, I shouldn't talk to my friends. Now one of them is avoiding talking to me. I wasn't angry at that friend, but he sure got to listen to me rage about other things.
Part of the rage was due to this jerk in one of my classes. He showed up late one day, took an excessive amount of time to close the door quietly, came over to where I was sitting, bumped into me and my classmate, picked up my backpack (which was leaning against my chair), threw it behind my classmate (who was on the other side of me), got in the empty seat next to me, sat down, and put his backpack on the other side of him. I made mostly empty plans of stabbing him in the leg with my pen if he decided to do it again. Instead, he sat next to someone else and made those people miserable. I now understand why someone introduced him to the class as "This is Cook, he has no friends."
Which really happened. I promise. Except I changed the name.
Tonight I found out that my dorm is perfect for hot boxing. The air vents in our rooms take the air from our room, cool it down or heat it up, and place it back in our room. The only way you get new air is if you open your door or window. I found this out because the smell of pot has been exploring my building this evening, and a friend of mine's father works for the campus maintenance. We concluded that either someone was getting high in front of an input vent in a hall, or was walking around while high. My bet is on the latter due to the irregular schedule of the odor visiting my hallway.
My room is finally clean, and my homework is finally almost done, so if my work schedule is light this weekend, I might just be able to finally transform my room into a castle. This is very exciting.
Every day, I increasingly feel that my friends think I'm lying about everything I say. I know I stretch the truth a bit sometimes, but someone really did take a dump on the bridge. That asshole really did throw my backpack. I really do know what hot boxing is. This is why I can't tell them that I sped time up, and that I can't figure out how to slow it back down again.
I'm serious about that. I can't figure it out. They're gonna be mad when they find out life is short because I got impatient once.
"I stand up next to a mountain, and I, I chop it down with the edge of my hand." -Jimi Hendrix
A hypnotist came to my school, and a friend of mine bought one of his CD's. He ripped it and gave me the hard copy. I decided to listen to it. I do not remember anything from between when the guy was putting me under and when the guy was counting down from five to wake me up. I couldn't move my arm for the rest of the day without pain shooting from my elbow to my hand and back.
To the slow ones out there, the arm pain wasn't from the hypnotist messing with me. It was because of the way I was lying on my desk. This should seem obvious, but I've already encountered two situations where I had to explain this.
I've learned that when I'm raging, I shouldn't talk to my friends. Now one of them is avoiding talking to me. I wasn't angry at that friend, but he sure got to listen to me rage about other things.
Part of the rage was due to this jerk in one of my classes. He showed up late one day, took an excessive amount of time to close the door quietly, came over to where I was sitting, bumped into me and my classmate, picked up my backpack (which was leaning against my chair), threw it behind my classmate (who was on the other side of me), got in the empty seat next to me, sat down, and put his backpack on the other side of him. I made mostly empty plans of stabbing him in the leg with my pen if he decided to do it again. Instead, he sat next to someone else and made those people miserable. I now understand why someone introduced him to the class as "This is Cook, he has no friends."
Which really happened. I promise. Except I changed the name.
Tonight I found out that my dorm is perfect for hot boxing. The air vents in our rooms take the air from our room, cool it down or heat it up, and place it back in our room. The only way you get new air is if you open your door or window. I found this out because the smell of pot has been exploring my building this evening, and a friend of mine's father works for the campus maintenance. We concluded that either someone was getting high in front of an input vent in a hall, or was walking around while high. My bet is on the latter due to the irregular schedule of the odor visiting my hallway.
My room is finally clean, and my homework is finally almost done, so if my work schedule is light this weekend, I might just be able to finally transform my room into a castle. This is very exciting.
Every day, I increasingly feel that my friends think I'm lying about everything I say. I know I stretch the truth a bit sometimes, but someone really did take a dump on the bridge. That asshole really did throw my backpack. I really do know what hot boxing is. This is why I can't tell them that I sped time up, and that I can't figure out how to slow it back down again.
I'm serious about that. I can't figure it out. They're gonna be mad when they find out life is short because I got impatient once.
"I stand up next to a mountain, and I, I chop it down with the edge of my hand." -Jimi Hendrix
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Rage Man
The other night, my boyfriend, Chief, and my friend, Neonate, and I were making pizzas in the kitchen of my dorm. While we were eating and watching TV, Neonate said "Wanna hear a racist joke about a black woman?" I'll spare you the joke, but as he finished, a black woman had walked right by us.
The other day, one of my professors approached me as I was on my way to class. He said "Are you ready to roll?" I responded with "I don't know about rolling. I don't have wheels." He walked away.
I share a bathroom with six or seven other girls. One of them I call the Ice Bear. I do not actually know which of the girls she is, but I do know that she likes it cold in the bathroom. She and I have been battling it out over the thermostat. When I get done showering, I like to be able to comfortably dry myself off and leave. It would seem, though, that when she gets done showering, she likes for all the water to freeze before she can dry it off, and then have her pointy nipples rip through her towel. That's how cold she keeps changing the thermostat to. This weekend was a three day weekend due to Monday being Labor Day, and it would seem she went home. Friday I had once again turned up the thermostat, and it remained on that temperature the entire weekend. Last night around ten, I had checked it again, and it was still at a cozy seventy five. When I went to shower at six thirty this morning, however, there were icicles hanging from the toilets. So I decided to outsmart her: I just turned the thermostat off. I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. The heat from the hall and the showers will warm the bathroom up, but she'll always see that it's at that perfect blood-freezing temperature.
My boyfriend left his deodorant here, so I did the creepy girlfriend thing and smeared a little of it on my pillows so they'll smell like him.
The other day, I walked down a hall in my building where freshmen reside. One of the white boards had "Congrats on the butt!" written on it.
I recently got to retell a story of my dad's texting abilities. Two years ago, I had texted my dad a happy birthday. I received the following four texts as a response:
[jumbled letters]
[blank text]
[jumbled letters]
[fuck]
If you're so angry that you are actually performing better, a new Rome shall be built before sundown.
"In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep you must above all be a sheep oneself." -Albert Einstein
The other day, one of my professors approached me as I was on my way to class. He said "Are you ready to roll?" I responded with "I don't know about rolling. I don't have wheels." He walked away.
I share a bathroom with six or seven other girls. One of them I call the Ice Bear. I do not actually know which of the girls she is, but I do know that she likes it cold in the bathroom. She and I have been battling it out over the thermostat. When I get done showering, I like to be able to comfortably dry myself off and leave. It would seem, though, that when she gets done showering, she likes for all the water to freeze before she can dry it off, and then have her pointy nipples rip through her towel. That's how cold she keeps changing the thermostat to. This weekend was a three day weekend due to Monday being Labor Day, and it would seem she went home. Friday I had once again turned up the thermostat, and it remained on that temperature the entire weekend. Last night around ten, I had checked it again, and it was still at a cozy seventy five. When I went to shower at six thirty this morning, however, there were icicles hanging from the toilets. So I decided to outsmart her: I just turned the thermostat off. I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. The heat from the hall and the showers will warm the bathroom up, but she'll always see that it's at that perfect blood-freezing temperature.
My boyfriend left his deodorant here, so I did the creepy girlfriend thing and smeared a little of it on my pillows so they'll smell like him.
The other day, I walked down a hall in my building where freshmen reside. One of the white boards had "Congrats on the butt!" written on it.
I recently got to retell a story of my dad's texting abilities. Two years ago, I had texted my dad a happy birthday. I received the following four texts as a response:
[jumbled letters]
[blank text]
[jumbled letters]
[fuck]
If you're so angry that you are actually performing better, a new Rome shall be built before sundown.
"In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep you must above all be a sheep oneself." -Albert Einstein
Friday, September 2, 2011
Lady du Failure
I don't know what 'du' means. I don't even know what language it is from.
Today a friend of mine (let's call her Patience) and I had plans for a girls' day on the town. We were going to travel to a nearby city to get me a new piercing, to go shopping at the mall, to buy me a new fish, and then to head back and watch chick flicks.
When we finally got to this nearby city, we made for the tattoo parlor. The piercing I was planning on getting was not appropriate for my small size. The standard jewelry was far too large. I settled for something smaller in the same area.
Patience and I then went to check out the mall. This mall only possessed a JC Pennies, a Maurices, a nail salon, and a Curves work out. While there, we plugged a five spot into a vending machine (which resulted in lots of quarters for our change), tried on prom dresses at Pennies, and browsed Maurices. We left with no purchases.
We improvised a little and went to a local shoe store. She bought fancy socks, and I bought rainbow shoelaces.
We then had dinner at a Hardee's. There I watched a kid cross the street without watching for traffic, come up to the restaurant, come in, throw something away, leave, and walk off to an unknown location.
After finding that none of the pet stores were open, we went back home and watched wedding shows for several hours.
But we had a wonderful day. Nothing went as planned, but we did get a few giggles out of giving a friend of ours (let's call him Wise) some hell via text message.
This post is dedicated to my friend Tranquil and her grandfather.
When life takes a dump on you, flip it the bird and take a shower with pride.
Today a friend of mine (let's call her Patience) and I had plans for a girls' day on the town. We were going to travel to a nearby city to get me a new piercing, to go shopping at the mall, to buy me a new fish, and then to head back and watch chick flicks.
When we finally got to this nearby city, we made for the tattoo parlor. The piercing I was planning on getting was not appropriate for my small size. The standard jewelry was far too large. I settled for something smaller in the same area.
Patience and I then went to check out the mall. This mall only possessed a JC Pennies, a Maurices, a nail salon, and a Curves work out. While there, we plugged a five spot into a vending machine (which resulted in lots of quarters for our change), tried on prom dresses at Pennies, and browsed Maurices. We left with no purchases.
We improvised a little and went to a local shoe store. She bought fancy socks, and I bought rainbow shoelaces.
We then had dinner at a Hardee's. There I watched a kid cross the street without watching for traffic, come up to the restaurant, come in, throw something away, leave, and walk off to an unknown location.
After finding that none of the pet stores were open, we went back home and watched wedding shows for several hours.
But we had a wonderful day. Nothing went as planned, but we did get a few giggles out of giving a friend of ours (let's call him Wise) some hell via text message.
This post is dedicated to my friend Tranquil and her grandfather.
When life takes a dump on you, flip it the bird and take a shower with pride.
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